I'm tired today and my eyes are incredibly itchy. The last couple of days right eye's been feeling like there's something just resting on the top of my eyebrow and when I rub across it, it goes away for a few minutes before returning. This evening it seems like there's a hair just hanging over my right eye, which I can't move, and which is only there out of the corner of my eye. I'm not worried right now, but if it's still there later, I'll probably pop down to the opticians.

Quite fed up this evening, and annoyed with things in general, to which my eyes aren't making me feel a whole lot better. Didn't sleep well last night, again, which might have contributed to feeling bad.

I had a couple of bad dreams last night that left me a little panicy. The first one started out with a couple of use being with a strange person who liked taking pot shots at people down the road - that might have been related to playing HalfLife 2 Episode One earlier - and for some reason whilst he was sleeping I kept cutting his face. That was a little odd, but then it drifted to some other place and a place that had a round cubicle (if such a thing can exit) which had a bathtub, shower and some side room off it. I'd been there before but it was now being used as a part of a dentists (I'm not certain why). I wanted to see what it was like, so I went in there and had a look around. I didn't notice until I'd got into the nice warm bath that there were already two women in there. I rushed out and the next thing I remember it was 20 minutes later and I was breathing awkwardly like I'd been crying a lot and couldn't think straight or remember what had happened - and then I woke up also breathing awkwardly.

Finally got back to sleep, and was working at a small shop - I think selling clothes - in the corner of a out-of-town shopping area. Someone bought something and after they left, their credit card came up with a warning showing that someone was looking for them. A little later an investigator came in and asked questions about the woman - this was continuing on from a dream I'd had previously about them being followed by someone. After a while I went for lunch and there was something about a robbery or something nearby, which I don't remember much, but I do remmeber there was a message saying that the woman had used their card at a store just across the way. I rushed, with a friend, over there to try to warn them that someone was after them. They seemed unconcerned and we went off to get some food. We told the investigator where she was and he came and sat with us by a pool, watching some display, having had some change of heart. I hugged the woman as we were leaving and she screamed that I was doing it all wrong, and then I woke up, again panicy.

Such fun.

There's been a helicopter flying over here for about an hour this evening. It's just gone midnight and I can still hear it. It's kinda annoying.

My eyes seem worse today. I seem to have been moving things closer to myself to read them and leaning forward more at the computer. Maybe it's tiredness or just them settline down, but it is a little disappointing.

I've been without any Internet most of the day - it seems to have crashed around 8am, which is annoying. Fortunately it came back - around 5pm. I used the time to go to town and get myself some more eyedrops as I'd run out of them. The Blink drops seemed to have become quite viscous towards the end, which might have been why they were being less effective.

I also tidied up some things and wrote some funky little scripts to read data from my router. I've now got a quite nice simple program that will pull out the various statistics from the router in a number of ways so that I can use them elsewhere. Much of the info - like the currently associated wireless clients - isn't really that useful except for a simple check. However, I've pinched the idea for the SNR and bitrate graphs from DMT and made my own, put together with Chart Director which I use at home for my own graphs, and widely at work. (as an aside, Chart Director has a lovely interface which is - mostly - completely logical and obvious, some incredibly good examples, and very helpful support forums. It's rare to find something it can't do, and I certainly haven't used all the facilities it does offer)

The little banner text appears on the unregistered version, which is for trial use and you can use it for stuff that you're not selling, etc, so long as you're not stripping the banner. For my own use on my servers here that's great 'cos I can have nice looking pie charts and the like without having to think. Plus it's the same one that we've licensed at work, so it's easier to use .

Doctor Who (2005, BBC One)Action and Adventure/Science-FictionThe Doctor looks and seems human. He's handsome, witty, and could be mistaken for just another man in the street. But the Doctor is a Time Lord: a 900 year old alien with 2 hearts, part of a gifted civilization who mastered time travel. The Doctor saves planets for a living - more of a hobby actually, and he's very, very good at it. He's saved us from alien menaces and evil from before time began - but just who is he?Doctor Who tonight was surprisingly good! Right up until the end, at the most dramatic moment of the programme, just before the cliff-hanger ending, the BBC decided to put up a 'next programme' flash. Hopefully people will be so insensed by this that they'll complain and the Beeb won't do it again.

Had the checkup this morning. All's pretty much well. I mentioned about being woken early in the morning by my eyes being dry and about the 'phantom hair' - the optometrist said that's the effect of them being dry. She's given me some gel drops to put in before bed (and which I can use during the day as well) which should help that. On the sight test I was the same as the 1st day, maybe slightly worse - it was a little harder to read the bottom line, but only marginally. Plus I had a lot more trouble sleeping last night - I only got about 45 minutes sleep before my alarm went off . I was in and out in 15 minutes which was nice - although I was half way down the highstreet when I realised that she'd not actually given me the gel drops! I went back and got them, but that amused me - last time I had to go back because I'd left my shirt.

Someone was asking today what the actual procedure name was. It's a 'LASIK' procedure, using 'Wavefront' treatment, and 'Intralase' method of flap creation. The 'LASIK' procedure means that they cut a flap away from the cornea so that they can get at the inner layer which is then reshaped. During the flap creation they use a suction cup to hold the eye in place - that's part of the bit that I was being unrelaxed about - and then cut away the flap. The manner in which the flap is created is 'Intralase', which means that rather than being cut by a mechanical instrument, the flap is cut by a laser as well. This might offer faster healing and might offer better control over the flap's creation - I've seen it phrased different ways in different literature. To be honestly, it's touted as being better and I was scared of having this little knife thing cutting my eye. Honest. The procedure that actually changes the inner part of the eye is called 'Wavefront', and that's based on a mapping of the eye and also tracks the eye whilst it's being operated on (both it and the Intralase do). One thing that's important during the procedure is that they eyes do not dry out - they're exposed once they've had the flap created, which is why it mattered (to me anyhow!) that the procedure was taking a while 'cos I couldn't relax. The type of procedure, the flap creation method and the treatment have different benefits and costs associated with them. It certainly wasn't cheap, but I feel reasonably confident (well, so far!) that I've made a good decision. I went with Optical Express - not through any real preference, but really because I got a spam advert on a website about a competition (one reason why I dislike them - they cost money! ).

They also offered 10 months 0% finance, which spreads the cost much more nicely. There was a £250 deposit required, and - annoyingly - after I'd booked it, they sent me a letter saying that I could have £150 off... except if I'd already booked. One thing I would recommend, therefore, if anyone wanted to do the same thing is to make no decision on the day. Make no decision when they call after a week. Make no decision when they do a follow-up call (which is the one when I'd already decided to have the treatment). And hopefully then they'll try to entice you with money off. There's also vouchers I can give people (apparently - I don't have them yet - might be a few weeks) which give money off (or we could split it), so if anyone's interested, contact me and we can split the offer .

Today, my eyes have been incredibly tired. I tried one of the gel things to see how it worked and my eyes felt very very strange. They are sticky but they do help a bit. However, I've been so tired because I've not slept much this week that it isn't really a good example day. I should try the gel drops this evening and seem if they help overnight.

Having finished my first week, I'm done with the anti-inflamatory and anti-biotic drops - no need to take them 4 times a day - and I'm also done with the goggles at night. It's entirely possible that I might end up wearing them at some point just through fear of rubbing my eyes without thinking . Still no swimming underwater, and no rubbing. I have the 'Blink' lubricating eye drops that I should use through the day as I need to.

A few people have asked how my vision is. It's better than 20/20, around the level that it was with the glasses. It's difficult to say much more than that. In the mornings, white monitor lights tend to be a bit overpowering and bloom into other things. At times it was hard to focus - I'd be looking at things and I'd see the shapes but not really take in what's there until I thought a little harder and could then see what I was looking at. That's mostly gone. The mornings are not fun for having to concentrate. Having a shower, then my drops and making a cup of tea helps a lot there though - the water and drops get rid of a lot of the mess from overnight (as I can't rub my eyes!) and give my eyes chance to 'wake up' before I try doing anything complicated. Morning routine has changed accordingly in the last week.

I've been a little more irritable in general because of tiredness and soreness, but nothing that's too noticeable (unless you happen to be dealing with HR).

I'm still not great at hitting my eye with the drops, but I just keep going until I do . It's getting easier and it doesn't bother me quite so much now.

It was a better day today really. My eyes were not so sore this morning and didn't hurt too much today. The phantom hair's back though - the drops help but it's still frustrating. Got my 1 week checkup tomorrow early in the morning which will be fun!

I watched "The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009)Comedy, WarA reporter, trying to lose himself in the romance of war after his marriage fails, gets more than he bargains for when he meets a special forces agent who reveals the existence of a secret, psychic military unit whose goal is to end war as we know it. The founder of the unit has gone missing and the trail leads to another psychic soldier who has distorted the mission to serve his own ends.The Men Who Stare At Goats" last night. It's quite a fun film! I wasn't sure what I was expecting but I really enjoyed it.

Urgh, it's 4am again and my eyes are very icky. Took me a while to wake up and get some drops because I was dreaming that a tiny little person had fallen into my eyes and they'd get lost and die if I opened them.

First day back at work today. Which means nothing much as I'm working from home, but it's still a thing. Neil, my line manager, is stuck in Europe at the moment, due to an unpronounceable volcano having spewed ash everywhere, and doesn't look like hes going to be back for a few days. Fortunately there's very little I need to talk to him about, so it'll be pretty much a normal few days even without him.

You guys just don't understand. If you don't let me go then I'm going to have to come in early this morning and have you both fired, 'cos I can do that - I'm in personnel. Every morning I wake up clutching the pillow and it's not Lisa, and Jack still gets hit with the coffee... so come on... let's move [ Sounding a little crazy; Barry Thomas; 12:01 ]

You just have to write dialogue that makes people sound completely insane . Julian suggested "12:01 (1993)Sci-Fi, Comedy, Romance, ThrillerBarry Thomas is the average office worker. He becomes attracted to Lisa Fredericks who works in the same company. After work, Barry witnesses the murder of Lisa and goes to a bar to get drunk. Later that night, there is a storm and Barry gets a shock from a lamp's faulty power wire at exactly 12:01 am. The next morning, he realizes that everything is happening exactly as it did the previous day. The next morning the day is repeated again. It is now Barry's job--being the only person alive who is aware of this time loop--to stop the murder of Lisa, and stop the time loop or be caught in time forever.12:01" a couple of days ago, and it is quite fun .

Very tired all day today, probably due to waking up in the early hours. Time to sleep now, and hopefully avoid long drops and bears.

It's 4am this morning, and my eyes are sore again. I've put some drops in but as soon as I put the goggles on to sleep again they felt wrong and began hurting. So I'm having a few minutes sitting up and just letting them blink normally, etc whilst I write this. They feel a lot more relaxed than when I was trying to sleep anyhow. It's my left eye that's feeling worst of all. The right one seems a lot less sore in general.

I've had my shower. It's about as hard as I expected to keep water out of my eyes. Not perfect, but at least easier than it was because I've had practice at not rubbing them. Feels a lot better to have clean hair again, though. I don't feel quite so tired.

My eyes have been very tired today. Fortunately the drops do help.

I had a couple of strange dreams last night, but I only remember one. Someone was sending me a message on skype saying "Justin, please phone me".

It's just after 3am now... I'd woken up from a dream where I was trying to save a bear (part of a general sequence of dreams which I've had for a while), who was out on a ledge, and wouldn't come down. This somehow got merged into a warning about the bear behind around some houses and how dangerous it was because there was snow everywhere and the drop from the edge of the estate to the icy cold river was a long way - and I was stuck hanging over the ledge, holding on as tightly as I could to a metal bollard and yelling for help as loudly as I could before my hands became too cold and I slipped... and then woke up with sore eyes. I've put some drops in and had a drink, but I can't seem to get back to sleep. And for some reason I've got Ravishing, by Bonnie Tyler going around me head.

My eyes have been very sore and feel like there's hairs or something in them all day. The left one in particular has been really quite annoying. I've put the nice 'blink' drops in when it feels a bit off, and regularly otherwise. I've been very tired all day, which might be due to not sleeping well - I just don't remember sleeping - or might be a side-effect of not having washed my face and hair in a couple of days. The red bruises on my eye seem more visible now but that might be because I'm looking for them - and before they were, I think, only in the worst affected areas.

They said no water near face and eyes for 3 days so, as the treatment was Thursday, and Friday was yesterday and Saturday was today, that means I should be ok tomorrow. Even still I have to try to keep soap away and not to splash myself directly if I can help it, so very very careful. And obviously I still can't rub them so if I get any water in I have to do nothing.

Had to go in for my checkup this morning at 10:20, to see how things went. After I woke up in my goggles I dozed for a bit until my alarm went off and then waited until the track ended before getting up. My eyes were very sleepy, and of course, I can't rub them or anything. I put in my drops - it takes about 20-25 minutes for me to do that, 'cos I seem to be getting worse at it (plus there's a gap between each set, so I have to wait 5 and 10 minutes anyhow).

Got there about on time, and went straight into the consultation room. We did a quick test of the letters on the board to see how well I could see, and then I asked her what I would have been like with my glasses before, and it was the same line. So that's very good for the first day. Top line of that page is 20/20, apparently, and I was reading the bottom one. So that feels good so far, although she did say that it's possible that things will fluctuate as the eye heals.

She then had a look at my eye, shining a light at it and asking me to look around. Everything seemed ok with both eyes, no infections or anything. She went over the procedures again - drops 4 times per day for a week, wear the goggles at night, no water for 3 days, no rubbing eyes. I mentioned that it was sometimes hard to get all the drops in my eyes, and she said that it's fine if you put in 2 - if you don't think you got it, do another one (obviously aside from the ones where I hit my cheek!).

And that was it; She gave me my appointment for next Thursday at 9:10 and I was off. About 7 or 8 minutes all told. I left... and then I came back 'cos I'd forgotten my shirt which I'd taken off as it was so hot in the consultation room.

So far I'm feeling pretty good, although my left eye feels quite bruised today and I'm going to need some tablets soon. I'm using the computer without any glasses, sitting normally, which is good, although it's more tiring at the moment, things are blurred a little - like they get when I'm tired, whites tend to shine out more and make it a little harder to focus (which is one reason why I tend to use white on black for the editor). I'm going to rest some more for a bit anyhow.

End of the day and my eyes are sore and I really want to give them a got rub. The drops help, but they don't stop that feeling that they're sore, or that there's something in them. I had a short sleep this afternoon and got woken at 6pm for my drops ... and then took about 30 minutes trying to get them in because I was still tired and couldn't seem to get it right. Hey ho.

Anyhow, it's 11 now and I'm going to lie down some more. If it gets to after midnight I'll have some more of the lubricating drops.

Oh, I had a bit of a rant about the beta Steam UI this evening, too. I'm sure a lot of the same (or worse) criticisms could be levelled at UIs I've created, but that doesn't mean to say that it's not reasonable. I've tried to be constructive about what's wrong and why. Might still be a bit long though.

Whilst I remember ...

... those are the sexy goggles I've got to wear when I'm sleeping. Apologies for the orangeness of the image; the cam on the notebook isn't too great in the light in here. There's also the fuzzy unwashed hair as well, which is worse as I've just been lying down.

I had my eyes laser'd today. Given that I'm incredibly nervous at just going to the dentist, this should have been a good sign that I'd not take to the procedure well. Anyhow, despite the nerves, and the fact that I wouldn't relax and they had to take 3 or 4 goes to get the laser to lock on to my right eye before I was relaxed enough to do anything, I did manage to get through it.

Today I've got a regime of 3 drops in each eye, every 2 hours until bed (which is very shortly). After coming out of the operation I was very blurry and had a little bit of double vision (and for some reason black things looked more blue than usual). I've been resting most of the day, with my eyes closed on the bed. I've got some special goggle things to wear - plastic dark lenses, with air holes in, elasticated straps and foam padding. I have to sleep in them, to ensure that the I don't scratch my eyes in the night or rub them. I've been keeping them on when I've been just doing simple things (like geting drinks and tea and the like) because it's difficult to remember to not go near them.

I'm not able to get any water near my face for 3 days, so no washing my face, showering, washing my hair, or shaving. That's going to be a little fun - I'l have a whopping headache by tomorrow. They've said I can take pain relief tablets as I need, and although my eyes feel itch and a bit tired and tender they don't really hurt. It's helped with the general soreness in my head which if probably related to that and the fact that I've worn the goggles and the elastic presses on your head.

The actual procedure was quite scarey for me - I don't relax well at all and I told them a few times before I went in and whilst in the theater that I was very nervous. You need to relax your face so that the cup can sit on your eye - if you tense, the cup gets squeezed and presses against you and (I think) pulls the eye. Anyhow it hurts, or is at least very uncomfortable. They gave me a few anaesthetic drops at the beginning and more as it took longer to get things right - it was hard to relax and each time I could see something near my eye I got more tense. Plus they kept telling my to not breath through my mouth, which made things worse 'cos after the first time I know that, but it's hard to do when that's my natural reaction to try to calm down.

They suggested thinking of happy images and thoughts and I couldn't really think of anything at all - except the big laser light thing that's sitting above me. Eventually I managed to settle on Sam and that was marginally better than nothing for a few minutes. Anyhow, once they got the right eye done - and it took 4 attempts to get it to fous on the eye properly and lock on - they did the left and that was a lot easier. I'm a little worried because it took longer to do the procedure because they were having to wait for me to relax, but it's done and I hope it's all ok. I was concerned at one point that they might give up, but it didn't come to that, fortunately.

After it was done they said 'you can sit up now' (the procedure is done with you lying down under the machine) and I thought 'yeah, right'... after about 10 seconds I did manage to sit up and they told me I could open my eyes - at which point I realised that I still had my eyes closed . Very, very blurry at that point, but people were still recognisable and stuff. They asked me if I could walk and I said I just needed a minute cos I felt a bit dizzy. At one point I thought I was getting that white-blurry edge that preceed fainting, but I think it was just the eyes growing accustomed to the light. I decided I'd probably feel better if I tried walking - at least then I'd prove to myself that I could do it. I was still shaking a lot at this point anyhow.

They took me through to the recovery room to wait, and made me a sweet cup of tea, which was wonderful at calming me down. After a little bit I managed to calm down, they explained the drops I need to take and how often - as I mentioned earlier - and checked the appointment. I couldn't actually read my note that said when the appointment was - it was still blurry and double-visioning - so I gave it to them to check and they said what it said. A few minutes later I went through to the consultation room where the surgeon took a look at my eyes to see how they'd been done and that there weren't problems - a process made harder by her trying to clear some dried liquid and my pulling away again, despite my best efforts. I mentioned that I had a little double vision and she said she wasn't interested in how the vision was right now, as the eye needs to heal and they'll do more checks tomorrow.

Must have been about 10-15 minutes in the theater, about 15 minutes in recovery, and 5 minutes checking my eyes over afterwards. She seemed happy with what she saw and said I could go home. All in all it was about 1 hour 15 minutes from going in to coming out, said Simon when I rang him to come meet me.

This evening my eyes are very tired, and I'm typing about half of this when them closed because it's just easier that way. Only minor corrections made for mistakes so far, so if it seems badly written, that's why. Plus tiredness. Plus me .

Oh and I might have repeated myself a few times because I'm generally tired and didn't sleep too well last night due to nerves - I woke about 5am and sort of dozed a bit. I remember trying to work out the best way to design a torch so that you get a single beam with the minimum of spread. I finally decided it was time to get up when I was considering the demerits of using porridge as a transmission medium for the torch.

So far, what can I say about the procedure ? Well. My eyes are tired this evening and I'm trying not to strain them too much. Yes the drops are hard to put in, but really not impossible. The not-rubbing eyes thing is far harder. I'd suggest not going for this if you're as nervous as I, although I guess that I'm on the far end of their scale for nerves - I asked if other people were as nervous as me and they said they weren't. Actual vision is better if I look at things - certainly better than it was unaided. I'm not sure if it's as good as it was with glasses, but I didn't really think to make any reference points before hand to compare to, and it's late this evening. Putting in drops has become progressively harder, which I think is tiredness and nerves as I think more about how hard it is.

Anyhow, appointment tomorrow at 10:20am, and no shower first thing. Fingers crossed that things are looking good. If they're not then we'll see what it is that I need to do. I'm a little bothered that I'm not getting enough of the drops in my eye, actually, but I'm assuming that the dose allows for the fact that some may hit the edge of the eyelid, or might be blinked away. Fingers crossed.

Last set of drops for the day, now, and it might be time for more paracetemol shortly, as my head's sore.

I had my hair cut yesterday. Exciting, huh?! Yay! . It's really neat to have hair that's not annoying the hell out of me all the time. It's not too special, but at least I'm not quite so annoyed at myself for not having done anything.

Assistant, to Benton: Ah! You must be the fiance! Benton: No. Assistant: You must be so happy. [ You must be so happy; Due South ]

I also watched "Moon (2009)Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi, ThrillerSam Bell has a three year contract to work for Lunar Industries. For the contract's entire duration, he is the sole employee based at their lunar station. His primary job responsibility is to harvest and periodically rocket back to Earth supplies of helium-3, the current clean and abundant fuel used on Earth. There is no direct communication link available between the lunar station and Earth, so his only direct real-time interaction is with GERTY, the intelligent computer whose function is to attend to his day to day needs. With such little human contact and all of it indirect, he feels that three years is far too long to be so isolated; he knows he is beginning to hallucinate as the end of his three years approaches. All he wants is to return to Earth to be with his wife Tess and their infant daughter Eve, who was born just prior to his leaving for this job. With two weeks to go, he gets into an accident at one of the mechanical harvesters and is rendered unconscious. Injured, he awakens back at the station in the infirmary, he assumes assisted by GERTY. GERTY tells him that a rescue team named Eliza will come to the station to clean up the aftermath of the accident. After his recuperation, he takes an unauthorized trip back to the broken harvester, where he makes an unexpected discovery. Because of his find, he begins to doubt his sanity, then his true identity, then the company and GERTY's willingness to do what is best for him. Because of his resulting beliefs, his sole mission becomes how to get back to Earth on his own.Moon" this evening, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Not only is it a quite intelligent, decent bit of SciFi, but also it's almost entirely one actor on screen throughout the entire film. Yes, really quite cool.

"Quad-Core. So you can check an e-mail, edit a digital photo and run your virus protection - all at the same time." [ Quad-core - it's so sad; Some advert ]

Sometimes I just have to feel very sad for the computing industry. Honest, there's a real image from the advert on the Internet, so it must be true.

I made a pretty picture of the things I was listening to using the 'Extra Stats' application from the Last FM statistics.

and the same information but categorised by the type of music:

You'll probably need to click on the graphs to see them properly; the small inline versions are somewhat less readable.

The height at any point shows how much I listened to the artist/style over the period. The left is 2006 and the right is 2010. The colour changes according to when I started listening to things - so red stuff is stuff I was listening to bad in 2006, and other colours appear as I start listening to new things. Not too much is new.

There's a big gap in the middle of 2009 where they made everyone redundant and kicked us out of the office, and I was pretty pissed off and fed up for other reasons and didn't listen to much music. Doesn't mean I'm feeling much better now that I am listening to music, just that I'm listening to music again.

It's April already. In 2010. Where'd the time go ? More importantly, how've I managed to use that time so uselessly ?

I keep telling myself that I shouldn't make any big decisions whilst I'm feeling crap, and yet there's this urge that says I should stop being so indecisive and make decisions and maybe I'll stop feeling so crap. I'm trying to do the waiting thing, trying to be what's expected of me, but that's hard when all I feel is completely left out in the cold, and that I must have forgotten something very important that would stop me feeling this way.

It's probably silly to think that things will ever be any different. My theory that some people are just made to be unhappy is probably true, although to assume therefore that that's why things are crappy would be a step too far.

While you were talking, I put a thumbtack in my neck. Makes me feel something. [ To Feel Something; Pete; 30 Rock ]

Ha - the advantages of downloading the .srt files to go with TV Shows.

I'm still so tired, but I'm not sleeping quite right still. Although, I'm back to dreaming again, which is a relief of sorts. It's been about a week of not waking up over night, not remembering any dreams and feeling even tireder than usual. It's a little strange as Alex has been very tired over the same period, but that's probably coincidental - there's little in the way of environmental factors that would cause that to happen to both of us.

Last night, though, was a dream about drowning, I think. Or bringing someone back from drowning. I'm not sure but I remember being under water and on a boat trying to help someone.

"Just wait and see; things will turn out ok if you just get on and do things, you'll see" I keep saying. It's not really true. But changing random things in the hope that it'll make you feel better about the crapness that there is, doesn't really work. Should take the bull by the horns and change things that are a problem, rather than random things. But that hurts more, 'cos as you know, a bull's a big, strong animal and you're liable to be trampled. And it's universally accepted that being trampled is way worse than not being trampled. So, mostly, I opt for not being trampled and let sleeping bulls lie.