11 Mar 2004 (Thursday) 

So I'm, lying in the bath this morning and I'm thinking to myself "Why didn't I keep in touch with Caroline ?". Of course the answer to that is that she didn't return emails and I was always at a loss for anything to say. But then I got to thinking... what if she didn't actually have a daughter. What if she was just being a nanny to someone else's daughter ? That could fit with the scenario. But then it struck me that she couldn't gain anything from that. Even as an idle tale it could easily be disproven and even looking at it from a 'wishful thinking' point of view, it wouldn't affect me in the slightest.

And so, as I'm lying there wondering why an extremely-ex-girlfriend might lie to me in conversations we had about 18 months ago I begin to wonder whether this preoccupation with lying relates to Caroline or to all girls. And thinking back, I don't believe that I have questioned things that others have said in quite the same way. Which means that I can draw the conclusion that I still don't trust a word that Caroline says. Ok, I know in my (sane) head that I have to believe what she says and the reasons that what she says are instantly placed in the 'dubious information' category, but that doesn't stop them going there.

I find that rather sad. It would seem that after all this time I still can't seem to forgive her for putting me through that. I say that I have, and I know that I wouldn't ever hold anything that happened against her (although I would hold it against me, 'cos... well... I deserve that), but it's still there in my head.

What it all comes down to is that I shouldn't be even thinking about her these days. Bother.

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