2 Apr 2000 (Sunday) 

What's happened this weekend that is fun ? Well, actually, let's go over the last few days because I've not written anything for a while. Well, I've signed up for RedHotAnt free internet access. One thing I've got to say about it so far is that it's so slow. Maybe it'll pick up soon; I do hope so, 'cos otherwise it's 50 quid down the drain. And 50 quid spent on the Internet. Using my card. It's quite scarey. Whatever next?!

And after that, I bought a DVD player. Well, Matthew bought it, because one thing by card per year is too much really Yeah, I'm sad. And along with that, a 26 Gb drive for the office. That's mostly out of guilt, because the MP3s are taking up lots of space and I'm the main person that listens to them. Plus it makes my job of maintaining the backup system a little easier because all the MP3s are in one area, rather than being spread over the system.

DVD player has one minor problem with it - the Scart lead that came with it doesn't like my TV. But Matthew has a lead that does, so all is well. It even plays MP3 CDs. I'm well happy. Oh, and "A Bugs Life" came with the DVD, and I had to watch Matthew's "The Matrix" video, too. Now that's a cool film. I'll probably get myself a copy of "The Mummy" tomorrow, because I really loved it. One of the things that is so cool with DVD, and I had forgotten that I missed, is the still frame pause. I'd forgotten how nice it was to have, rather than this VHS cacky pause thing. It's sad that you have to go back to the early days of video to get still pause.

And I finished Half Life this weekend. To be honest, the 'Surface Tension' level it just became a bit monotonous and difficult without adding much new. But I can now say that I've finished 3 games ! :-) I can't get over people that say "Oh, I finished x last week, and y the week before" because it takes me ages and I usually lose interest quickly. I think I finished Starship Drifter on the BBC when I was younger, Doom I whilst testing the port I did, and now Half Life. That's about it. Not counting the games that have no definate end, like Civilisation, Repton-variants and such like (although I've never finished a Repton!)

Another email from Vanessa today. It seems that David is back home at the moment, but he's back with her on Tuesday. Erm... that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean.

The heating is out again today. On the up side though, we've found where the leak is !

What else ? Oh, I've read the PFR docs now. They're... dull... but interesting... in a dull way.

No actual work done this weekend, except fixing a bug in DCC which I think has been there for ages. And Spanners has fixed the templates so that they are more interesting.

Perfect day, Perfect night, Tell me all those perfect lies, And lie back in the garden till it's light [ Perfect, from Jollification, by Lightning Seeds ]

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3 Apr 2000 (Monday) 

Bought 'The Mummy' today. One excellent film. I'm getting used to this 'buying things' lark now. I'm not entirely keen on it, because it's expensive, but it's fun nonetheless.

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8 Apr 2000 (Saturday) 

Tell me there's a heaven, Tell me that it's true; Tell me there's a reason, Why I'm seeing what I do. [ Tell me there's a heaven, from The Road To Hell, by Chris Rea ]

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9 Apr 2000 (Sunday) 

Whilst wandering through deja, I came across an article that I thought was so funny. So I thought I'd share it. The poster and context have been removed to protect the guilty, the innocent and the small man I met in a bar next week.

Last year, us Year 11s (now Year 12s) stuck a sign on the Sports notice board which said something like this: "All matches cancelled tonight due to freak weather conditions such as tornados and huge hail stones" At the bottom in a size 8 font it said: "You're a sad loser if you believe this!" Year 7s & 8s went and phoned their parents. We all got screamed by the head teacher, but we didn't care. [ Usenet article ]

I love memory allocators. They're such fun. It's almost like brain surgery, but without the interesting danger of lobotomy. [ Quote of the day from IRC ]

I'd say more about my day, but it's mostly been spent working on XML.

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10 Apr 2000 (Monday) 

Coo! Email from Tom from uni today; it's amazing who turns up when you least expect it. I wish I could keep up with some of my old friends really, but... well, I'm lazy and forgetful.

Mail from 'march' today, in comment about 'Tell me there's a heaven', yesterday... "There is". It's something I want to believe really. But I think that's partly because I have a fear that there isn't and I don't want to die. Religion is such a terrible thing. It causes so much argument and yet it is, when you get down to it, a means to reassuring yourself that there is 'something' which is bigger than you are. Whether that be a god, or gods or a cosmic physical ruleset, the fact is that most people at some time or other try to understand 'things'. And when they do, they either find that other people's beliefs are lacking, or that nothing can explain what things are like. When you look at it, that's all there is. To argue about a belief isn't generally productive, although it has merits if the parties listen to the others beliefs. If the parties are open then however much they may argue, they generally take something away from it. Sometimes they take away a thought that maybe there are flaws in what they believe. Sometimes they take away an understanding of the flaws in the other persons belief. But mostly, they should take the understanding of the other persons belief. However little they may agree with it.

That's in a perfect world, of course. But I think it can be true. I do. Or rather, I believe that it can be true . I don't know if anyone feels the same way, or whether they believe that others should die because they believe other things. But you could view those as the two extremes.

If you take, say, something like the Bible - I have to go by that, because it's the only holy book I know even vaguely well - then you can take it at its word, or you can take it as a joke, or you can look upon it as a thought out and presented work, just as any other. I prefer to take it as the latter. It's a book. It has some amusing bits; it has stories to tell; it has lessons to be learnt. To take it as a guide for life would be good. To take it with a pinch of salt is better - you must live by a standard you create for yourself. "Nobody can walk your life for you."

That may sound a little cliched, but I think I feel happy with that. It's taken a while, but I think I have found a 'religion' I can live with. It's the belief that some things are, and some things are not, and that the world isn't fair at times, and that there may or may not be someone to watch it, but if there isn't then you only have yourself to blame and if there is then you will be judged on who you are anyhow. If there's someone to control us, then things are pre-ordained, so I should do what I feel is right - it doesn't make a difference. If there isn't anyone there, then I have only myself to look out for, so I should do what I feel is right.

See, I'm actually comfortable thinking that it could go either way, because what I've decided is that you still have to be yourself and try to be as 'good' as you can be. On the subject of an afterlife - a heaven or reincarnation - it has to be that if there is then I'd better deserve what I get, and if there isn't then I'd better make the most of this one. Even though it scares me.

There's holes in that; there's self contradictions; there's blatant flaws. But nothing in this life is perfect, so we refine until we find something that is right...

Hmm... Lots of generalisations there... But there you go...

Watched the first half of Contact today. Must say that I'm not impressed so far. Watched "Event Horizon" a few days ago... "Hmm" is about all I'll say for that.

Spoke to Piers for a while today; which was interesting. And to Stewart too. I don't remember much of what we talked about, except that Stewart and I talked Toolbox things for a little while.

I'm listening to Mostly Autumn at the moment; I'm just in that kind of mood. 'The Spirit of Autumn Past' - the track - (I think I've said before, but what the hell) is very gorgeous. It just makes me think of 'Mocking Bird', by Barclay James Harvest which just 'feels' very similar. Both of them have a chilly sort of feeling to them. It's kinda like the you get from 'Tell Me There's A Heaven'; it's a sort of out of time, sad and lost track. Actually, neatly following that weepy track, I think I'll have a little 'Forever Autumn'. Oh. There's a link to the last one for you.

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old, And darker days are drawing near. The winter wind will be much colder, Now you're not here. [ Forever Autumn, from Jeff Wayne's "War Of The Worlds", by Justin Hayward ]

More weepy. Hmm. Right Here Waiting. I'm just tired and lonely tonight I think. Hazard. Live To Tell. Jessie.

Hmm. Don't have I Don't Like Mondays.

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11 Apr 2000 (Tuesday) 

Ohh... Today's nomic puts me in the lead. I did submit two rules, but I did think that both were too silly. Anyhow, I'm going to have a little rest from it now because I've been trying too hard .

Question is... Do I submit my URL, or is that amazingly vain ?

I think I should submit a URL because I should be more outgoing...

Anyhow, gratuitous back-link to David's site and The Nomic.

I'm amazingly unimpressed with Contact so far; I've watched a little more and appear to be up to section 20 now... it's so awful. I'm almost tempted to tell people not to bother watching it if you want to see a 'good' contact film. Watch Close Encounters instead. Although, even that isn't that great. Go on... Read the book. It's so much better. That's the price I pay for reading it first I guess .

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12 Apr 2000 (Wednesday) 

Like the dust that settles all around me, I must find a new home. The ways and hopes that used to give me shelter, Are all as one to me now. [ Afterglow, from Wind And Wuthering, by Genesis ]

I needed to do something stupid tonight and it was suggested I streak across the street. This was at about 11pm. But I still didn't have the nerve. Bah.

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13 Apr 2000 (Thursday) 

Watched the end of Contact today; still not impressed with it, unfortunately. Read the book. Go on.

Rang Helen today; got a quick brush off; although I wasn't listening too carefully, I must admit. That sounds rude, and it is really, but I didn't sleep very well and I was feeling funny. Which is kinda why I rang really...

Ok, so I broke my little resolution, but I think that three months is pretty good really...

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14 Apr 2000 (Friday) 

SMS from Helen today; nothing special; she's been doing coursework... I hope she's doing ok.

Just been watching The Mummy again, this time with the directors soundtrack. They give a commentary on the Movie; it's great .

So, after looking through the bits about the Plagues, I give a small summary of them... (I know there's one on the DVD, but as a supplement ).

Moses is telling the Pharoah to let his people (the Isrealites) go, and Moses tries to prove to the Pharoah that his god is with him, and first he changes his staff to a serpent... and the Pharoah's magicians do the same, proving that it's nothing special. And the Magician's snakes are eaten by Moses'.

• Rivers of blood (7:17)
  At this point the magicians conceed that Moses may be telling the truth.
• Frogs (8:5)
• Lice (8:17)
• Flies (8:24)
• Murrain (9:3)
  Murrain is a plague of cattle and beasts.
• Boils (9:10)
• Rains of Fire (9:23)
• Locusts (10:12)
• Darkness (10:21)
• Death of first born (11:5)

I've got Dad, Julian and Simon coming tomorrow, along with Uncle Michael. That'll be fun.

From The directors comments on the movie "He stayed right in [the plane] whilst we sunk it. He trusted us not to kill him. Which was nice of him."

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15 Apr 2000 (Saturday) 

Playing with FetchFile last night with UltraFS; basically it's a HTTP fetcher for fetching a file. Simple, in a lot of ways, but it's quite nice to have a front end and reasonably easy way to do it. It's been quite fun trying to get the multi-tasking stuff to work with his code anyhow.

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16 Apr 2000 (Sunday) 

No diary tonight; too tired... watched The Negotiator last night. Did... nothing much today...

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17 Apr 2000 (Monday) 

Today; um... nothing much; PC arrived. Helped (if that's the word!) Matthew put it together... Only one problem is that the processor doesn't work. Which is good. So we'll have to sort that out tomorrow...

Really tired tonight... Not really done much else...

Helen said she'd email me... She has her life; it's not mine. When tired I wish for Helen. That's not practical, really...

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18 Apr 2000 (Tuesday) 

Hmm... Going to Tesco's today. It was raining. I ran from the car. Got to the metal rail which barriers the covered path. Tried to jump it. Misjudged. Fell on the floor. Oops. So I now ache, and I've broken my 'Justin' key ring that Helen bought for me . So, I'm not particularly pleased. Funny, though it was. Ah well...

Went to see 'Mission to Mars' with Robin; not bad. Amusing.

Other than that; nothing special. Really, I do ache. And I've got a graze on my left arm too, which hurts . Shows what happens when you try to do things without really trying.

At some point I'll work out how to classify the results of the other questions that have been placed on these pages (the non-yes/no ones), as there are a few there that ought to be listed really...

Julia rang me at work today; which was interesting. She's very bouncey.

Listened to a large amount of Hitch Hikers at work today... Up to fit 6, I think...

Couple of games of Patience won tonight. A couple lost too, but that's life !

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19 Apr 2000 (Wednesday) 

Today has been "play-with-PC" day. Which basically means 'find out what I can do with it', 'curse it lots' and generally 'do things that aren't like work'. Which boils down to 'Play half life' . Hopefully, I'll be able to do Useful™ and Interesting™ things with it. Other than that, not a lot interesting has happened.

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20 Apr 2000 (Thursday) 

"Dateline Jeruselem" tonight. A continuation of the "Bethlehem Year Zero" news series that we had at Christmas. This is the first of them that I've seen. I hope it actually is the first of them, otherwise I'll be cross at missing them. I still ache today, but less...

Matthew's gone home until Monday, so I'm on my own until then. It's going to be... dull actually... I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest. I have the distinct feeling that I'll get very bored.

No Buffy tonight, either. Snooker's forced it off. Again. Now that I no longer care about Star Trek, they leave that on, but take off Buffy instead. Irritating ? Only very, very slightly. Ok, lotsly then.

Easter is a strange time. It's not, to me, a religious holiday. I don't know why. I think it has something to do with being a moveable thing. Because it goes walkies I don't even think of it as a holiday. Honestly; it's just like a period of time that breaks up the year. If I even remember about it. Which I didn't this year. Oh well...

I'll probably try to finish the XML module this weekend. That should be easy.

Remember: Don't leave projects until the last minute to finish, or you'll end up stuck trying to do them at the last minute...

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21 Apr 2000 (Friday) 

Got hold of 'Closing Time' by Semisonic today; which is a great track. And Baker Street (Gerry Rafferty). And Seasons In The Sun, and Like a Prayer. And a few others. As you may have guessed, I've been looking for MP3s today. It's quite challenging really to find them.

However, of the MP3s that are really interesting, I found the Arena site and they have demos of the new album (that I didn't know was out) so I'm downloading them as I type this...

1. Chosen

Very subterranea really. That's unsurprising, but it's got a lot of that feel about the keyboards.

2. Waiting For The Flood

A softer track it seems; very like Shadowland (another unsurprising fact!)

3. The Butterfly Man

I think I'd compare it to (Don't Forget To) Breathe, but that's not quite got the same feel to it... Maybe The Waking Hour ?

4. Ghost In The Firewall

A darker track this, seems to be quite computer-interet related from the name and a couple of the references in it. Maybe it's just drawing an analogy, but I don't know enough to comment really.

5. Climbing the Net

Oh; a big synth intro to this segment. Don't know what to make of it other than that though, it's quite short

6. Moviedrome

Three parts to this. The first is heavy track, the second a piano-vocal section - I like this, just because of that ! - the third is back to the style of the first part. Not sure what I think of that...

7. Friday's Dream

An 'end track' really. A slow mostly guitar-vocal track.

Other than that I don't know what else to think of the album. It seems reasonable to think that it'll grow on me.

Watched the final of Robot Wars. To be honest, the robots weren't particularly impressive until we reached the final of the final. The final itself was good mostly because the house robots got flipped. Unfortunately the second place - hypnodisc managed to get flipped quite quickly. Just goes to show that you really do need to take account for the fact that on your back you're completely useless unless you've got some wheels or a way of righting yourself.

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22 Apr 2000 (Saturday) 

Top Tip Of The Day: Don't unplug UnsqueezeAIF if you want the machine to boot.

Gary: Here, do you want another oyster ? Tony: No thanks, they disagree with me Oyster [Gary, moving the oyster]: No we don't ! [ Another oyster?; Gary and Tony; Men Behaving Badly ]

Fixed bug in Filer and FontManager that was killing the latest ROM.

Another Dateline Jerusalem tonight. And a couple of SMS's from Helen. She's doing revision at the moment. Not amazingly fun. Oh, and Mars Attacks was on too... I'd not known about that.

Oh, and it's phone day today, apparently. So the numbers for London have changed again. And the number for Cardiff too - so we'll have to update the phones at work. Which means finding the manuals again. Bother.

Managed to listen to a bit of Dream Theater tonight too - 'Tears'. I don't know if it's a typical track of theirs, but it's pretty anyhow.

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23 Apr 2000 (Sunday) 

Let's get this straight... I'm very confused on this matter... Barclays are doing a massive TV advertising campaign saying how big they are. Their managing director got a 400% pay increase (IIRC). And they're closing rural branches. Why ? What am I missing about this that is so blatantly obvious to everyone else as being right ?

Anything else happening today ? Um... Nope... Not really... Watched some telly... Furturecast, about... well, a big internet player dying and his technology... Interesting...

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25 Apr 2000 (Tuesday) 

Lovely email arrived today with the subject "DON'T DELETE THIS PLEASE READ I". I assume there was a 'T' after that but it was truncated in the window. What did it say ? Dunno... I just deleted it as it was. It's quite amazing; any email with the subject in capitals can be pretty much ignored. Why bother saying this ? Well, because maybe someone will take the hint. No, that's a lie. It's just because... It's so dim to try spamming people like that. I have no idea even what they were trying to sell, but if someone came up to you in the street and yelled "Don't walk away, listen to what I have to say" you'd probably think a) they were very rude, b) they deserved to be beaten by large men with spiked sticks, or c) they didn't have anything to say that you wanted to hear about, and walk away.

Had a brief SMS-chat with Helen who was baby sitting. She seems to get quite concerned over what she's doing, umm if you see what I mean.

Watched Castaway 2000 again tonight - saw it last night too. It's really quite good actually; I thought I'd hate it, but it's really not that bad at all.

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26 Apr 2000 (Wednesday) 

[ Entry from Psion ]

Well, it's the morning of the 27th and I'll be going to sleep soon. I've packed up all my things, ready for moving. It's quite strange to be moving so soon. It wasn't until Helen said about it not being a long time that I began to think about it. I think I'd like to stay somewhere, and to have a reason for staying somewhere.

Of the things I've said I want from life - that I aim for - I've done none. The house... well renting a new place every 6 months is not ideal. The girlfriend... no luck there. The cats... kinda a problem if you are renting.

So, what am I saying ? That I'm desperate and need someone ? I don't think so. It's more... that I feel lonely and I'd like someone to be with. I know it sounds sad, but I look back on what I've done and I don't see much. I've been too wrapped up in 'work' to have spent any real time with anyone. Angela ? Well, there's such a thing as timing. Caroline ? Well, I proved how dull I was and that was that. Oh. for whatever I may have said, that's about all there is to it. And Helen ? Ah, Helen. Yes. Now there was a non-starter. Plus, the fact that whilst I spent anytime around her, I was more concerned about the age difference than I cared to admit.

And that about sums up the total of the women I've known. Do I regret not being more out going ? Yeah. And would I trade where I am now to have done things differently then ? Of course. But then, I'd not be me.

I wonder what other people in my position are like. Probably similar.

A few days ago, I wrote about falling down in Tesco's. The next day, Paul mentioned it in an email. I'm really quite touched that he came and looked. Paul, by the way, got injured recently in the high winds by some glass. He's got a really nasty cut on his nose and he's really high on the list of people I really feel for. The thing I cringe at most is the idea of sleeping and not being able to place your nose near anything because it hurts. I'm sure that's a very superficial problem and there are other more pressing concerns with it, but that one really...makes me wince. See, by comparison, my accident isn't worth any sympathy.

From what I remember from church - it's a long time since I went; I'm quite lax really, but then you know my views on religion and things - there is a section where the priest asks you to think about and offer your prayers to people with problems at that time. Ok, I'm not saying that you should offer your prayers to people, because that's quite hypocritical of me, but it's worth just taking a moment to reflect once in a while. Watch the news, and not just see the events, but think of what they are. Not just the news, but the people around you. If someone tells you a story about an accident someone had, then think of them.

Ok, sermon over. I know I talk a lot of rubbish sometimes, and people are rightly critical of some of the things I say. But sometimes if you believe it, you should say it.

I'm now thinking that I've got my own little god-spot (as people are fond of saying) here in my diary. It's not really like that, but read it how you will.

I've been holding off doing a comp.sys.acorn.announce about my web pages for a number of reasons. The major one I've said was that they're not finished. That's true - there's lots to do. But also it's my dislike of announcements with no content -the 'I have added a comma, come see' ones. And I'm scared that it will appear like that to some people. Against that, I balance the fact that I've never announced the site since I left Essex, so it's probably not such a big deal.

But, there is another, more personal reason really. And it's one I have been pondering for a while, since Stefan brought it up. Because of the content of the diary, I quite like it's small following (if you can call it that). I like to be relatively open on here, because in general I don't make my life public if you talk to me. It's my diary, not anyone elses, so my opinions are the ones that matter here.

However, the point is that I've made it a public diary and I should be prepared for the consequences of that. If I restrict it, or what I do because of what people might see, then it's not an accurate representation of 'me'. So, I'll do a CSAA at some point. I'm still scared, but I've hard enough people already giving me a hard time over Jennipics, or the Helen Rayner gallery that it should be ok. I just have to have a longer fuse .

I think I was a little abrupt with Gareth yesterday; I'll stick an explanation of the position on that list ... um ... it'll be Friday now, I guess. And I've got a developer missive to write then too. I can't actually remember what's going to be in it at present! A few more caveats, notice of work progress, general site updates, Bugz details and stuff, I think. Probably there's more but a) I can't be more specific, and b) I don't have willow here to check through the other things anyhow.

But, it's now 2am. And moving tomorrow is going to be hard. So I think I must sleep. Oh yes. Sleep. Night all.

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27 Apr 2000 (Thursday) 

Moved in today. Consequently, there's nothing much I can say. New address, new phone number, new... erm... house. What else to say ? Nothing much really. There's a diary entry for last night on the Psion, but I've not had a chance to transfer it yet. When I do, I'll stick a link back to that date .

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28 Apr 2000 (Friday) 

Spent too long playing Multi-player half life tonight. Consequently, no diary entry tonight. Sorry. Tomorrow I'll tell you about the New Cinema Club. It made me laugh anyhow.

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30 Apr 2000 (Sunday) 

News on The Cybervillage about the new SA card. Apparently, "the actual speed increase of the new card could be [...] as little as 200%." Sounds interesting, don't you think ? As you might guess, I can't make any comment because although we've worked with one, we are obviously in an interesting position .

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